Why I Don't Set Resolutions
I love the turning of a new year. It’s our way of leaving some of the past behind while starting fresh with new goals and an inspired vision. For years I set resolutions on how much weight I’d lose, how much money I’d make, the debt I’d pay down, and the free time I’d have off. It became easy to design my year on paper. It was exciting to get things started when I was fired up and ready to go.
I was good at planning my successes, yet was easily discouraged when bad days or a slow month came. I also didn’t leave room to enjoy time with friends and family. Sure I had time with them, but I distracted by a to do list that was weeks upon weeks long. Quite honestly the focus of my resolutions was me, me, me.
Self-help books promised a life of happiness when I became successful, yet I rarely felt content. I was caught up chasing success. The excuse I told my family was that when we made it though ‘this season’, things would be better. The problem was that one stressful, over committed season just turned right into another. It never really got any better.
Sure, I was happy at times, but I didn’t feel a true joy that I had longed for. I thought if I could only achieve more then surely it would come, but it never really did. A few years ago I officially stopped making New Years Resolutions that were centered on achievement.
I needed my personal ambition to be less, and my relationships to be more. I needed to identify myself as a wife and a mom and be ok with the fact that if that’s all I was then that too was ok. Surprisingly, I learned it was in fact the best place I could be. The joy I was searching for was right in front of me all along. I was too distracted and too busy to truly embrace it.
Earning Their Trust
As I reflect back on last year, I didn’t achieve any new fitness goals, or lose the last 10lbs. I didn’t grow my income, or pay off all the debt I would’ve like to. But what I did do was make more memories by growing deeper, more authentic relationship with others.
I allowed myself to be open and real about some struggles, and in doing so I was able to release some guilt and resentment. I patiently listened to my daughter’s perspective and in doing so earned their trust. I’ve admitted wrongs and apologized for mistakes, which has given others permission to be honest with me when I’ve blown it. It sucks to screw up, but am I ever thankful that friends are open enough to tell me about it, rather than tell everyone else.
I learned to love and lift up the little things that I used to overlook. Things like when my kids are kind to each other, when they grow in courage and try new things, and when they tell me about their day at school. The more I look for these little miracles, the more I realize they are in fact the biggest and best blessings I could have.
This year I want to continue to be a better mom. I want to raise the kindest, most compassionate, and thoughtful girls I can. Outside of my relationship with God and my marriage, I don't think there is no better focus and use of my time. I want to continue to grow my relationships more than anything else. As it is there I learned to listen, to love, to accept and to be still in the wonder of how truly thankful I am for the people in my life.
What about you? Where will you invest your time this year?
Yours in Faith!